Five Love Languages

In Sunday School we’ve been studying The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I really can’t say enough about this book. I know in my class, I don’t do it justice. I just can’t cover it all in that amount of time. If you’re out there and your marriage just isn’t what it should be, or what you thought it would be, you need to read this with your spouse. It’s that good.

The gist is this. Dr. Chapman believes there are five basic languages that people use to speak love, sending and receiving. They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Basically, each person speaks one or two of these languages well and probably one or two of them very poorly. Rarely will your love language match the love language of your spouse. Therein lies the problem.

The husband who speaks Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch well paired with a wife who speaks Quality Time is a set up for failure. Here’s a guy who works hard, buys his wife nice things, and is looking to be shown love through physical means. He just doesn’t understand why she is so cold toward him in the bedroom. Of course, the entire time, she feels bought and paid for, but certainly not loved. Their love life is pretty much like a Russian trying to have a conversation with an American. They might eventually communicate, but it will be difficult at best and certainly not deep.

He loves her. She loves him. However, neither one feels it from the other. If this couple would learn to speak each other’s language, both of them would begin to feel the love that the other has for them.

Here’s the deal. This book isn’t just for squabbling mates. Amy and I have a great marriage, 25 years this May, but I am convicted and awakened on nearly every page. Today, for instance, we studied about a wife who tried to tell her husband about her work when she arrived home. Well, the husband listened a bit and then started giving advice on how to handle the situation she was describing. Same the next day, with no implementation of the advice and no change in the situation. This continued until the husband became frustrated and said, “Don’t tell me about it. You won’t do anything I suggest.” The problem though, she wasn’t asking for advice. She was asking for her husband to listen to her, sympathize. Eventually, she may have asked for advice. But she wanted to engage in Quality Conversation. He wanted to speak, not listen. That is me to a T. I am definitely going to apply one of the remedies in the book.

In future blogs I’ll go into the languages. In the meantime, go buy the book and start reading!



Here are a few thoughts on resolutions. I’m not a big fan. This is not only because I never keep them very well, but they aren’t a Godly solution.

I guess my biggest problem with them is that you know something is wrong with your lifestyle, but you are purposely putting off doing anything about it until a predetermined date. For instance, you’re convicted that you need to spend more time in prayer or reading your Bible and you tell yourself that when January rolls around, you’ll “resolve” to start doing it? So, that’s saying that you’ll ignore God calling you until some magic calendar date.

Or consider all the people abusing the temple of their body with gluttony. How many of you have said, “I’ll eat whatever I want this week, because on New Year’s Day, I’m resolving to diet.” Or if you drink or smoke and you are convicted to stop, you’re going to get in as much as you can in December because you’re going to stop in January?? So, regardless of being convicted, you’re going to do it anyway because the calendar hasn’t turned?

In John 8:11, Christ said to the adulterous woman, go and sin no more. He didn’t add, on January 1st.

Also, resolutions tend to focus on your own ability to conquer something. Face it, if you are going to truly change, it is going to take God. So as you are facing the things in your life that need changed, remember

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

So, no matter the date on the calendar, if something needs changed, give it up to God in prayer and let Him help you change it right then and there.

Be blessed.